USA! USA! USA!

United States of America team(s), you have done the 2012 Summer Olympics proud so far.  Through sheer ambition and motivation, hours of hard work and dedication, little to no social life, sacrificing delicious junk food, etc. etc. etc., your best has been presented for the XXX Olympic Games. 

In case you have not been paying attention to the games this year, allow me to introduce a few of our most eye-catching athletes...



David Boudia, you are the man.  Okay, now be my man.

Allow me to point out what I consider to be the best contribution David Boudia, nay, any of the members of Team U.S.A., give to the team (His "V" line, dirty birds!!!).  In particular, I'd like to take a second slow-mo look at the form he presents with his gluteus maximus.  That's going to be a 16.333, just taking in a -.067 deduction for "just a bit more bubble would be the cherry on top", which is still going to be an excellent score for David.

"I really can't take all of the credit here...."
Don't worry David; I didn't forget your synchro diving partner, Nick McCrory.  I wouldn't be properly introducing our great 2012 Olympians without presenting both halves of your... shall I say, captivating team otherwise!




Me: "Hi.  Whatcha doin'?"

Ryan Lochte.  I am saddened to learn that you are probably a dumb douchebag (which is the worst kind of douchebag to be), but that won't stop me from looking at you.  Hey, I'm just picking up tips for my freestyle stroke, you know?

 

(This is us during a rare moment of downtime for him.  Not my good side unfortunately, but we'll try again next time!)

Nice work getting that relay going with your other teammates, Ryan.  You set it off on a great note, and Ricky Berens secured the lead time needed for Michael Phelps to bring home the gold.  Thanks, Ricky!

Of course the Summer Olympics wouldn't be the same without my favorite sport to watch, gymnastics.  We were impressive in the qualifying round, but it was unfortunately pretty painful to watch the finals.  My heart was so sad for them.  

Jake Dalton.  I'm here for you to lean on in these hard times.  Seriously.  Lean on me.

 



Sam Mikulak.  I share the joy expressed on your face when I get to witness the beautiful strength and agility exhibited by you and your fellow American Olympians.

Oh Sorry, are they not your cup of tea?  No worries, peruse these Olympians instead!:


U.S.A. Women's Soccer

Alex Morgan

 

Hope Solo

 

Swimming

Dana Vollmer (Sorry about that five-head, girl.  I still think you're super pretty!)

Elizabeth Beisel






Beach Volleyball

Misty May-Treanor and Kerry Walsh

 

Misty May-Treanor

 

 Jen Kessy

And so I leave you with an echo of my previous sentiments.  Thank you, Olympics.  You have provided an ultimate goal for athletes 'round the world.  And thank you, America, for stepping up to the plate with these fine specimens.